Month 4: The Month of Misses

I missed nearly every pee and poo by a few seconds or a minute and it was puzzling.   Looking back, I later realized that I had been doing less naked butt time and much more diaper time.  This had thrown our communication off as I was more easily distracted and missed signals especially over the holidays.     I am too complacent when she has on a diaper and its too easy to “zone out”.

Nights are 50/50 dry–partly because she doesn’t pee as much and partly because I potty her when I can.  I am tired and doze off even though I’ve gotten better at nursing lying down.  Oops.    She clearly is not pleased for diaper changes.  Okay, she HATES it and wails.   She hates being soiled and she hates the inconvenience of being changed especially at night.    I can’t blame her.  I would be too!

There are times when she doesn’t indicate she’s soiled herself.   I wasn’t sure at first why that was until I wondered if she was sending messages we weren’t getting.   I think we simply missed all the signals she was sending for so long she gave up — or she was too hungry and hunger takes precedence!   We also have issues with “belly time pee”.   Because the sphincter muscles aren’t strong to withstand pressure, belly time produces pee even if she just went!    When she rolls over for a diaper change the efforts makes her wee also.  So definitely part of the problem with accidents is simply her growing mobility is developing faster than her sphincter muscles.

Interesting to note that whenever she’s been nude in my wrap/mei tai/sling she hasn’t soiled us both, but if she has a diaper on it has been wet if I’ve carried her out of the wrap in my arms.   Does she know she has the diaper or am I just not being as attentive because the diaper is a safety net!?       It’s time for me to be giving far more diaper free time than I have been this month and I think that will help me focus and give her the sensation of air and get us back to our synchronicity.

One more note, onesies and footed pajamas (especially the snap ones) while very cute are just not suited for EC.   The onesies aren’t so bad.  I usually just leave them unsnapped when diaper free and snap them only when she is in a diaper.   Baby bags and gowns are okay — drawstring or elastic bottom faster than zipper.   Side snap t-shirts for a newborn are the best and so are extra long shirts and pull on t-shirts coupled with just pants or baby legwarmers are best to keep warm in the winter while still making pottying convenient.   You are encouraged to offer the potty more when you don’t have to deal with layers.  It’s not “hard” to do with clothes and diapers — just inconvenient.

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It was really hard to let go of the diapers.  I had to make a conscious effort to not rely on them so much but still used them.  Diapers is what I knew and diaper free was so foreign in comparison.   Using them wasn’t saving me time anyway and it was already established that she knew how and where I preferred her to potty, so looking back I am baffled as to why I just couldn’t seem to put them away for good.   I’d read a blog that explained how the mother had accidentally taught her baby to only pee and poop on command while laying down on a changing table — the baby thought that was the “place of elimination” and would not go anywhere else unless bursting.  I was beginning to wonder if I was inadvertently encouraging a similar potty behavior by using the diaper so much.   It was becoming “preferred toilet”.    Isn’t that what we do when we diaper babies?  We tell them consciously and subconsciously to soil their pants — that their toilet is always with them and to go any where, every where, and at any time.   Attention they get is always after the fact.   You don’t worry about it and thus they don’t worry about it.     A diaper becomes their stimulation to go.      A baby who isn’t in a diaper is encouraged to notice pottying and acceptable places to do so.  People and bathrooms and potties become their stimulation.  Going in an unaccepted place isn’t praised nor does it bring smiles or other unconscious positive feedback.  Babies know body language intimately and fluently.  You don’t need words for them to notice your pleasure or dislike of getting peed on — you reaction is involuntary.

Posted on January 21, 2010, in Babies, Parenting, Potty Training and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

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