Month 12: Help Wanted

I encountered a unique problem today that I wasn’t prepared for.  We had two pee accidents over a friend’s house (even though I KNEW she had to go twice and she baby signed at me) though, thankfully, the confuzzzled baby pooped on the potty.  And there it was, “See that’s why this can’t be done because you have to pay attention. I don’t have time for that.”      Honestly,  it isn’t that time consuming.   I was just out of sorts, I was so used to not thinking about it, and my nervousness threw me off.    But I didn’t know how to convey that to a very close friend!

When I got home, I had to think about this.  This is much like learning to Nurse in Public – you get all flustered and end up confusing yourself and the baby who likely thinks you’ve lost your mind.  “What’s gotten into you woman?   Really, lady are you nuts?  I’m trying to eat here and you are messing with my air flow.  Just take them out and give me my lunch.”

The problem I had was a few things:

A.  We’d had a bad night sleep wise and she was tired and a little ornery destructo baby that morning —  I suspect growth spurt — and hadn’t had her morning deployment.  She would signal a need to go then do something weird like crawl away giggling and wanted to do nothing but explore all the new toys.  Confusing!

B.    I didn’t bring enough backup trainers because I  am so used to having no accidents when we are out so I only brought one extra!        Never be over confident, bring a few trainers with you.  They aren’t that heavy!

C.   I was SO STRESSED about the carpet even with a backup cover and about using the potty in front of a friend doing conventional modern training.   Performance anxiety maybe?   I didn’t want it appear like I was showing off, but how can you not be pleased about pee in a potty!?

It can be hard to ask someone to take on an EC opportunity to help.   You have to explain the process when they would otherwise think nothing of checking or sniffing for a poopie or full diaper for you.   Some even happily offer to change the baby.     As a beginner, you want to show that you aren’t a cuckoo and it does work!    That’s where you get derailed.  The moment the process becomes goal orientated you get in your head, get in your own way, get you signals crossed, and lose touch with what it is all about.     It is much like learning to ride a bike for the very first time.  You are riding as on your own for quite a while until you realize suddenly that your parent has let go — SPLAT!

Sure, I was offered a pull-up when I ran out of pants which I declined since I found an unused bloomer in my bag.   A pull-up wasn’t what I needed, really.   I needed to be set at ease.   See,  I don’t have this problem over my mother-in-law’s.  Even if she might have been skeptical at first she actively participates in the process.  It takes the pressure off me, allows me to relax, I don’t translate stress to the baby, the baby knows that she can be potty confident in her presence, and that means…no bizarre accidents.

My lesson learned?   I was not prepared for how to ask for help of someone who traditionally conventionally trains.    This really surprised me today that I still feel like I’m supposed to be discreet and hide and make apologies for my crackpot ideas.    I need to be proud of my choices even if they aren’t on the trodden path.   I need to be confident out of my home as much as in it!

I need to think about how to overcome this mental block of mine.

WHY could I not ask for what I needed?
HOW
can I ask for what I need so that next time is smooth?
WHAT can I do to overcome my reluctance to be confident in certain situations the way I am confident on the beach, among strangers, and in the store!?

I’ve had this issue before with not being asking for help, but I was also able to go to the bathroom whenever I wanted and no one paid attention because they were eating and enjoying the party.

_______________________________________________________________

I still don’t understand why it was so difficult for me to be confident.  It’s not rocket science after all!


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About Laissez Faire

I am 41...42...43...44, married with two children, two cats, and a dog. Writing is my hobby, and learning and teaching my passions. Books! It used to be that I could devour several books a week when I had the time. I am usually too tired to stray awake these days with two kids. Currently my brain and energy levels have steered me to casual games, writing contests, and some inconsistent blogging.

Posted on September 24, 2010, in Babies, Parenting, Potty Training and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. I’m discovering this same sort of trouble, too. We have moved closer to family and friends, many of whom do not know about EC at all. So now I’m needing to learn how to practice EC in the company of others more often. It is a challenge for sure!

    • It wasn’t a problem any more after she started signaling very obviously. And after a while I stopped thinking about it so much 🙂

      • I know this is an old thread but I was hoping you could tell me how old your daughter was when she started signaling very obviously (and you felt confident in your ability to understand that signal) and what signal did she use? My daughter is 5.5 months old and I feel like I am ECing her only by timing and wonder if she’ll pick up and signal to me at some point (I also use the baby sign language for toilet)

      • My daughter’s signals were body cues that went with my gut feelings plus timing. I can’t remember exactly, but she did use the baby sign on occasion about nine months very rudimentary, by fifteen months I am pretty sure it was more established. I think a lot of people expect an overt signal. Though some babies do do this very early, non verbal are the primary ones.and your gut. It is exactly like how you know when to feed her and you expect that one day she will communicate orally or with a particular sign you have used. 😃

  2. Thanks for the clarification! I was expecting some clear, obvious signals, but your explanation makes sense (and is how things have been going for some time). Thank you!

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